Country Music and Modern Fatherhood
And other light topics
After our conversation about Fathers & Sons, we got to thinking about how to define modern fatherhood.
How do we balance the evolving expectations and shifting norms about our roles as fathers — many of which we believe are good for dads and their kids — with country music’s nearly orthodox belief in static authenticity?
It’s worth noting that there is no right way to be a dad. There are a million unique parenting situations, with just as many ways to address them, so I worry that when we look for definitions for something like “modern fatherhood,” we can get lost in specifics rather than doing any real good.
But it would be silly to ignore the progress that we have made as fathers. As a society, we’ve made significant changes to our expectations of dads, and as a result, we are expected to be present, emotionally available, nurturing, and emotionally mature. The concept of tough love, while still useful in many cases, isn’t the number-one, go-to answer for most situations.
I grew up seeing my dad cry when he got emotional, either watching a movie or being hurt. This vulnerability helped me become a better person, and I hope my ability to express emotions other than anger or happiness will help my kids grow. (I’ll be the first to admit, I need to work harder in this area.)
But it’s more than feelings — it’s about responsibilities as a parent. As a working dad and partner to a working wife, figuring out how to support our family together is key. The dumb dad stereotype still exists for laughs, but it can hinder dads from contributing fully to the household. Modern dads are expected to know things about schoolwork, practice schedules, and doctor’s appointments, and not just send kids to ask their mom.
So, how does this fit into country music?
As we heard in Luke Combs’ album, Father & Sons, these shifting expectations and norms can still push fatherhood forward while allowing country music to remain country music. Notably, one of Dave’s favorite songs from the album, “Whoever You Turn Out to Be,” addresses these issues head-on, giving kids their own space to explore identity without expectations.
This is something that we probably wouldn’t have seen 15 or 20 years ago in mainstream country music. The role of the modern father has shifted, and this song and the album as a whole reflect that shift in how fathers interact with their children.
Real Life is More Complicated than Art
Yet this is a simplified example. The reality is that we do not have equal partnerships across most heteronormative two-parent households. Moms still take on the vast majority of the emotional labor — as well as the real work — to run a house. My wife and I share responsibilities, but I’d be lying if I said she doesn’t take on more of this unpaid yet critical work necessary to make our lives work.
The issue at hand in “Whoever You Turn Out to Be” is the first step, and arguably an easier one. Being there for your kids emotionally, while taxing and difficult, isn’t what burns out parents. It’s being there while also scheduling the doctors’ appointments around gymnastics practice and piano lessons. It’s ensuring that the monster isn’t under the bed after cleaning out that same space of dirty laundry, then cleaning, folding and putting it away. It’s not just making lunch, but remembering it needs to be in a paper bag on Friday for the field trip.
We didn’t hear any of that on Combs’ album, likely because that part of the evolution towards equality isn’t much fun, nor has it taken root as much in society.
In most articles like this, I would probably look for more source material, rather than relying solely on my own opinion. But the more that I thought about this, the more I felt that this was just an exploration of my personal opinions. As I said, there’s no one way to be a dad.
But there are ways to be a better person — one your partner or co-parent can rely upon to support and nurture your children. And by being a better person, you can become a better dad. It’s not about right or wrong — just evolving to provide more of what our kids need.
It’s not about revolutionary change — rather, working to include more. Expanding the unbroken circle of parenting — or is that a country music thing?
- Donnie
What’s Next on the Pod
Next week, we will discuss Jason Isbell’s decision to postpone a week of shows to go to his daughter’s school play. And believe it or not, it wasn’t a unanimous decision. The complexity of the decision, the reaction to a father doing what he’s supposed to do and other nuances fill what we believe is an interesting conversation about the intersection of country music stardom and fatherhood.
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